On Male Submissive Role Models, Part One

"I have, in the back of my mind, always clung to this idea that I might be a switch. Not that it mattered much since Belle’s unlikely to ever let me top her and she’ll never let me top anyone else, but I clung to it. Like a blanket. Like a thing that made me feel better but was actually totally worthless. Now I know, thanks to Rika and what she wrote and how it finally knocked the final pieces into place, that I’m not ever going to be a switch. I am, in fact, always going to be on the bottom. And that freaks me the fuck out.

First of all, I admit to carrying around a prejudice against submissive males. Submissives in general kinda creep me out. It makes no sense, I know, but that’s what it is. It’s like I’m the white supremacist who just discovered the black grandmother he never knew about or the uber-masculine father of 12 who suddenly figured out he was gay. This is all horrible and all nasty and sad and not anything I’m happy about, but I see now that I’ve never fully embraced my submissive nature because I don’t especially like the archetype as it exists in our culture. In fact, there is no archetype. No role model. Nothing positive to look towards. Just layer after layer of stereotype and ridicule and cultural indifference. And now I know I’m one of them."

http://denyingthumper.com/2010/01/04/the-nose-on-my-face/

It's not difficult to see why Thumper and Maymay internalized negative stereotypes about male submissives. With even pornography directed us demeaning us, and our sole representations in the mainstream being targets of ridicule, it's a wonder any of us are comfortable enough in our own skin to write these blogs.

And yet, I find myself completely unable to sympathize with Maymay and Thumper on this score. If anything, I've been a bit peeved that I don't live up to the romantic ideal of the submissive more. I surely imbibed the same memes about submission as these guys, and I definitely watched much of the porn they watched, but I remained mostly unaffected. I was bewildered by this at first, since I couldn't figure out who my role models were, if not submissives in porn.

Jesus came readily to mind after perusing my blog for inspiration. My father came to mind as well (hopefully, more on that in a future post). I wracked my brain for portrayals of submission in the media remembered from my youth, and I was surprised with the results.

Yeah, believe it or not, I found my submissive role models in Digimon. Back in elementary school I was obsessed with this show; I took HTML classes over the summer after it came on the air to make a better Digimon fansite with my best friend.

A digimon was everything a submissive should strive to be: they obeyed orders, directed their every effort to making their partner (they called them partners, ferchrissakes!) happy and making sure they were protected, and were generally lower on the social ladder than their tamer. But their submission was neither simpering nor pathetic; their devotion was noble, born out of love for their partners. It was clear that they weren't where they were because they were inferior, nor would they take the other role if they were only strong enough to do it: they had their purpose and fulfilled it. Their role was sanctioned by the cosmos, foretold in prophecy, and had a mission of civilization changing proportions.

And they were cool. An anthropomorphic fox that could summon daggers at will or a T-Rex that could fire nuclear missiles could not be called wimps. While their doms were little more than damsels in distress or cheerleaders when the shit hit the fan, they were kicking ass. And yet every bit of their earth shattering power was placed in the service of their partner.

And they came in every archetype and gender imaginable, their personalities largely reflecting their dominants: you had the tomboy, the computer whiz, the hot head, the loner, and others. Perfect for finding someone to identify with no matter your personality- and to find someone to crush on no matter your fancy (I'll let you figure out my crush from the pictures).

If I wound up feeling fairly positive about my submissive identity, it's probably because I spent at least as much time reading erotic Digimon fanfiction as I did watching grainy femdom clips.